Cyberpunk 2077 streamers are all making their Cyberjunk as big as possible

Keanu Reeves as Johnny Silverhand looking smug

The reviews are in, and the most anticipated game of the decade is now in the hands of streamers, too. At the time of writing, around 840,000 people are watching some of Twitch’s biggest streamers delve into Cyberpunk 2077. Over 100,000 of them are watching Michael ‘Shroud’ Grzesiek explore Night City for the first time.

Shroud kicked off his stream by playing with the game’s technical settings and then diving into the character creator. After picking his iteration of V’s backstory – an ex-Corpo man looking for revenge – he jumped into the character creator. The first marvel were the eye options, which allow players to choose from a number of disturbing pupils with creepy cybernetic enhancements.

However, Shroud’s biggest and hardest decision came quickly after his choice of eyeball. It has been well-documented that Cyberpunk 2077 will let you customise your genitals, but Shroud wasn’t sure the stream was ready for that kind of excitement. If you’re not content with watching streamers to show you the customisation options in Cyberpunk 2077, you can buy it for yourself here.

After a brief glimpse at the options, Shroud decided to let the stream in on his not-so-little secret. There are two penis options – three if you count the ‘Ken doll’ choice – and naturally two sizes for each. Shroud, of course, picked the biggest because we all know that in-game penis size is an accurate representation of your actual dick, right?

You can also customise V’s pubic hair, but unfortunately players who want their version of V to have a vagina only have one option available to them.

Aside from Shroud and the Very Hard difficulty setting he selected, it seems that the majority of streamers customising V’s dick are opting for the largest size. Ben ‘CohhCarnage’ Cassell also chooses for the largest member, saying he “likes the flop” of his character’s penis. However, he is a little disappointed with the largest option, as he asks his stream, “is that as big as I can make it? I want it to be life-size.” Clearly, Cohh’s manhood is tied around his ankle when he streams – we hope he has good cable management.

To clarify, this is in no way scientific research and obviously we’re not suggesting that any streamers are compensating for anything, but it’s already a growing trend.

But with the biggest streamers just picking the boring old big tackle for their Cyberjunk, it has us wondering why there weren’t more options available? Every part of V is fully customisable, including implants in their eyes, so why stop when it comes to the genitals? Imagine a fully-functioning robo-cock or something resembling the phallic xenomorph from Alien – it’s simply far more exciting than a regular, fleshy phallus.

People in 2020 are into some kinky stuff, and unless the mega-corporations put a stop to that in order to sell more dildos in the next 57 years, we imagine that penis augmentation would be first on the list for any self-respecting dystopian daddy.

All this customisation commotion does seem a little ridiculous for a game played entirely from first-person perspective – however maybe it’ll increase in importance as we near the Cyberpunk 2077 multiplayer release date and other players may get a peek at your pecker. For now though, streamers are stuck with two options and two sizes – and the majority are going big.